Kheng Leng

2012-01-24T22:31:00.001+08:00

Okay wow! In 10 days, I actually got an offer from one of the UK universities and on the second day of CNY! It is definitely not my first choice of school, but still thankful for the offer! It's like a stamp of approval - more commonly known as - ego boost. HAHAHA. & very weird, I keep having the nagging feeling of having to spend CNY overseas next year and I came home seeing the email notification. It's quite eerie coming to think of it. Anyway, I'm still looking forward to Imperial's!

Too tired to post some reflections over the CNY but I must say that it's a fruitful CNY! :)

In need of some CNY spirit!

2012-01-21T22:13:00.000+08:00

Okay, you can't imagine what I just did.

I tried to spring clean one quarter of my messy room and is throwing out a bag of rubbish. I'm also rushing to return some overdued debts! LOL. It was quite fun except that I didn't really do my report and didn't manage to go out for a run.

Yesterday was another awesome night, like all the other Friday nights. :)

2012-01-16T19:19:00.002+08:00

Sigh, I'm feeling so uncertain about Internship. When everyone can complain about how deadbeat they were from work, I can only stare at the endless pile of work. I always ask myself if I have worked hard enough for this? Till now, I can only tell myself that I am thankful for this because of the nice project partner that I have, crazy colleagues and the flexible time that I enjoy.

If not for that, I would have died. For now, I really want to get this over and done with.

Every day was made more meaningful with my Kampung Queenstown. I have somehow assimilated into the environment and I'm enjoying every session, chats and supper with them. The old and young blended very well and I really liked some of them. They are rare species of sincere and helpful people. Thank you SH, S, JC, P and the others who made my Fridays so meaningful!

And of course, thankful for P too - for being such a perfect gentleman. Walking home at night is so much fun now because of him.

I'm very proud of the Queenstown family. Love keeping my Fridays and 3rd Sundays free for them.

Sigh, gonna do my best for now :)

Need to buck up

2012-01-09T00:46:00.002+08:00

I have been too lax on myself recently and this pile of work unknowingly stacked up. I'm rushing for deadlines every now and then, and I only have myself to blamed for all the last minute work.

I'm in the midst of writing my essay for UCAS which should have been done months ago. & fyi, I wouldn't be doing it if the deadline is a few months later. The closing date is this coming Sunday omgosh.

Oh well.

I am feeling guilty from having too much fun uh!

Anyway, that reminds me that I haven't been really focus on the first week of 2012. I am committing myself to being focus for the rest of 2012. And that reminds me that my interview is tomorrow!!! WTS. I'm freaking not prepared and I'm not done writing my essay. I am only at the first paragraph!! :(

I must say that I have been meeting really nice people :)

I had this bad impression of P because he gives off this cocky vibe when he speaks. Turns out that on our second meet, he is actually pretty nice and he went through a lot - like a lot of others in the room - and he was too nice to walk me home when the session ended super late on wee hours of Monday.

I have no idea how Tuaeji and I started talking again. The first and our last encounter would probably be APEC and we have started talking recently.

I need to be more disciplined and focus!

2012

2012-01-03T10:41:00.001+08:00

It was pretty amazing how 2011 has been. A year full of opportunities, trials and a whole deal of experience. Putting all the happiness and frustrations aside, 2011 was a damn good one. I feel like I'm living a dream.

2012's gonna be damn damn good too :)

Every new year, it is almost mandatory for me to set some new year resolutions.

1. Sleep enough, Work harder and Play even harder!
2. Learn a musical instrument
3. Be with my family
4. Be thankful everyday

Okay! That is about it! 2012's gonna be an awesome year too :D

2011

2011-12-31T01:20:00.001+08:00

I was just reflecting about 2011 like what everyone is doing now.

I am thankful for a lot of things and I can't possibly list them all. I was thinking of picking up some photographs to summarise the year but I'd probably lose my interest halfway and leave it hanging till another new year - that's how serious my habit of procrastination is and that's what I am looking forward to change in the coming year. That aside, I just wanna note down some meaningful events that has happened in the past year and has really mould me into who I am today.

2011 was definitely not an easy year but it was another fruitful year like 2010! I remember vaguely that I appreciated 2010 a lot because I was blessed and given the opportunity to travel a couple of times last year. This year was even better! A myriad of experiences that made 2011 so memorable and I definitely have lots to improve on. I need to find my balance somewhere and somehow to become the ever-efficient Kheng Leng again.

The best thing that happened to me this year was to meet Euphoria! The euphoric team was damn awesome in their never-ending inspiration and their belief in me. I learnt about being a reflection to my team and being aware of what I am doing. We didn't do anything great or out of the ordinary, we were just more aware about our actions and trying to create a positive impact!

I miss the mentor, whom is always there - believing, cheering and his never-ending optimism. I miss my buddy, whom is also always there to look out for me, inspiring me in her ways and helping me. I miss my two other buddies. The blur girl who is a joy to be with, a motivation and an encouragement where her works never failed to amaze me and inspire me to be better than who I was. The happy teacher whom we had a lot of fun with despite the age gap, her spirit of learning, her contribution and her commitment touched me a lot. This is definitely one of the best teams that I have ever worked with and I look forward to future meet-ups in the future. I sincerely hope that we are all doing well wherever we are :)

Another amazing thing that happened this year - California Challenge!

I learnt a lot about purpose, people and life. There is always some unfairness in life and maybe "some" is an understatement. I have always believed that some of my friends deserve to go more than me and they will definitely enjoy the lessons, the museum trips and all the exhibitions more than me. But I'm thankful that I went. Shark and I wouldn't be so close if not for the trip. Even though we have been in the same comm for more than a year, our exchanges were lesser than a normal conversation that I hold with a stranger. Shark is like a new-found best friend. She is always there to help, to inspire and to kick my butt if there is a need to. And if not for the challenge, I wouldn't have met so many inspiring individuals as well. So many :) I will take forever to write something about all of them but there is one person whose always on my list.

There was this girl who didn't know anyone before the trip. I can't really imagine how is it like to not know anyone when everybody seems to know everybody. I am thankful that we clicked very well and had a lot of meaningful conversations along the way. She will never know and feel how much I admire her of - her courage to be honest with her opinions and her openness. I will never be able to be like her and I really hope we keep in contact in time to come. :)

The YEPeeps is topping the list again!! HEHEHEHE. It was really amazing to have met this group of wonderful people. Life will never be the same without them.

I don't feel like we are friends anymore. It's more like a family where we share so openly, where we talk about so many things under the sun and when watching tv can be very fun too. Although we struggle to meet each time, to think of gifts and plans for someone's birthday, I love them very much. I can spend a whole day lazing around with them!! :D

This year was again very amazing because of Happy Pills! I call them my happy pills because they never fail to cheer me up every time. Despite our distinct differences, we share so much joy in each other's company and we never fail to cheer each other up. hehehe I am still quite amazed by how the 5 of us came together. Even though we all had different schedules, we try to accommodate with each other to meet up monthly. Appreciate this friendship a lot!!

Hehehe, love how she is always speaking in perfect sentences, using words to describe her feelings and experiences. I love her for she is always the one coordinating our outings. She is the organised and calm one and nothing will go wrong with her around! Secondly, I love her for her candidness like a 十足的傻大姐! It is always very fun to have her around, sharing her travel experiences and all the nonsense and fun suggestions. She has always doted on us a lot and her smile never fails to cheer me up hehehe. Thirdly, this nonsense girl whom I never fail to enjoy her company. She is always willing to help me and never fail to provide a sound perspective. I love her humour so much because we share the same degree of lameness and 不要脸-ness HAHAHAHA so fun! Last but not least, YOU! You are super awesome tooooo and I love your candid vulgarities hehehe. Makes me feel that we are all very real with each other although I don't really like profanities hehe. And you are damn awesome also, always sharing, initiating topics and being all disgusting hahaha. Love them!!

And of course, the new addition to my life other than the euphoric team is tadah!!

Every work day is more fun with these people around hehehehe. Internship wouldn't have been so fun without them!! :D

I shall end here today and continue when I have the time :D

Jack's Wedding

2011-12-20T15:07:00.001+08:00

I had a good trip to BKK with my family :) It was a good time to rest and unwind, and catch up with everyone else. The shopping was great (not that I shop a lot), the company was awesome and the wedding was even better! They looked so blissful together :)

Happy Marriage, Jack and Cherry!

On a side note, I'm looking forward to Friday already. It is gonna be a tough week ahead with lots of meet-ups. Looking forward to YEP Stayover (Wed), QT Dinner (Thurs), weekly awesome-ness (Fri) and QT Christmas Bazaar (Sat).

Good ride, good company, good rain and good times

2011-12-12T09:15:00.001+08:00

I have never cycled 60km in my life. The journey was very tough but the feeling was rewarding at the end. Mel and I also made two new friends there.

When I was cycling, the route reminds me about what will happen in time to come. The journey that I have chosen will not be easy and there will be times that people who has promised to be there will leave to pursue what they need to do. There will also be times that there are encouragements from people but those never helped because they are not the one doing it and you feel all alone.

It further reinforces my belief in my own perseverance. Slowly but surely, if I have set my heart to do something, I will definitely do it. No matter how many times failure and the thought of giving up crosses my mind, I will still trudge on till the end.

Another positive and powerful experience :)

Crazy World

2011-12-09T00:53:00.001+08:00

Cantopop night w Wenqi and Huimei at Crazyworld Cafe. The cafe was nice and cozy and the performances were fun and entertaining. The three of us had a lot of fun there! The owners were really meticulous because the coffee drinks were not served that day so that the blender will not disturb the performances - so nice of them! The menu was kind of limited but we had our fill nonetheless. The highlight of the meal will be the lychee beer :)

Hehe, thats crazyworld cafe for you!

Internship

2011-12-07T15:21:00.001+08:00

Last 2 months of work!

It's time that I put in my 101% in getting this project done. At the end of the day, I want to be proud of what I did and to be able to explain it flawlessly to the teachers at the final presentation. In a few years' time, I want to be able to say that I have did a ZigBee project. Despite all the difficulties, I'm trudging on :)

It has been a fruitful journey but it can be a better one with better results.

I am an achiever :)

Brat Day w Pigs

2011-12-04T14:27:00.001+08:00

Met up w the pigs for porridge breakfast and Koi!

I wanna be a super hero

I really liked the painting. It was one of painting that resonates with me a lot. The lonely figure in the corner, slouching and bearing the wind. The photo do no justice to the vibrant colours which depicted how exciting the world is around him and he still felt lonely.

Liking Jones more ;) He's so talented!

Happy Pills (:

2011-12-01T01:13:00.001+08:00

This monthly meet-up has been really awesome and the title says it all, they are my happy pills!

Initially I was feeling a bit sian to go all the way to Clarke Quay and I was not too prepped up for the meeting (HAHAHA WHAT TO PREP?) but I'm glad I went. Despite feeling very tired and sick, had a good chat with these girls and we are celebrating Christmas + New Year on the 29 Dec with Secret Santa. Cannot wait to prepare some quirky gifts for my victim HEHEHE.

We were just reminiscing about MSYC again (HAHA AS ALWAYS) and we were talking about the last day where we all cried like mad. Memories ah, memories! Those days where we danced to Glee's "Don't stop believing", interacted like crazy and building new friendships.

Best happy pills :)

突然好想你

2011-11-27T02:10:00.001+08:00

很久都没有这么放肆了- 看半夜场电影，不做作业，不去和家人吃晚餐，还有漫无目的的游走。只有这么一天。

Stamina

2011-11-24T08:13:00.001+08:00

老了老了! This old woman here no longer have the stamina to tank late nights and she now has a huge backlog of work waiting to be done.

Other than that, life has been extremely rewarding despite the bad choices that I am making. Like I told some of my awesome friends, I can't wait to graduate to take on the next phase of life. I would probably regret what I have said next year HAHAHAHAHA but I really felt empowered by NP.

For now, I don't need to cruise through life. I just want to be in the moment living my life to the fullest. It's good to be reflective but I remind myself to not live in the past. & it's good to plan but I hope that I don't dream too much either.

I want to live life as it is, making everyday count :)

I am looking forward to Friday now because of my new hobby and I'm also looking forward to bumping into you soon. HAHAHA. Despite the low probabilities, I'm still hoping :D

Kayak 1 Star

2011-11-20T22:47:00.001+08:00

Hoho, completed the 1 star course today along with 9 other fellow lifeguadies and 3 new friends :)

I actually quite like the kayak. I like how I am in control and my state of mind affects the state of kayak. When I'm panicking, the kayak tends to wobble and capsize more easily. Woohoo. As for if I'm gonna do the 2 star course, I will consider :)

I have learnt so much in these 2 days. Apart from the kayak skill set, my most valuable takeaway was to learn that practice really makes perfect. I believe and I will see.

Back to the Primary School

2011-11-10T14:48:00.000+08:00

I went back to school yesterday. It was the most amazing school that I have ever attended and I am very glad that my parents sent me to the nearest school from our home instead of the more popular primary schools back then. I'm still overflowing with excitement from yesterday.

Also from this trip back, I am so amazed at how life works out to be. Three whole years of not being back, all of us carried on living our own life and when our paths cross again, we seem to have continued from where we have stopped at.

Mr Tan KT is still as kind and humble as before and as fatherly as how he has always been. I was talking to him about my career options and thank you for offering great insights and possibilities. When I was waiting for Mr A Ng, caught a short chat with Mr Wong YK and he also haven't change at all - still funnily serious. As for Mr A Ng, caught up with him for a bit on the phone yesterday and he was so busy today that we didn't even had a proper chat but thankful for him to pick me up despite his busy schedule. Last but not least, Jeremy and I had a nice conversation with 蔡老师.

Great school visit and you need to ask my colleagues how hyped up I was the next day at work.

From the trip back, I realised that as we grow older, the teachers aged too. I love how some teachers turned into friends after 7 years and how we connect despite not seeing each other for the last 3 years. I'm really hoping to visit soon next Feb when my Internship ends.

Till then. :)

2011

2011-11-04T03:00:00.001+08:00

2 more months in 2011 and I shall lament again on how time is flying.

It has been a fruitful 10 months and the thing that stuck to me when I wanted to type this out is that man, I have tried out a lot of new things this year, so unlike me but hahaha - yeah thats me.

In 2011, Kheng Leng

1) Participated in a sports competition (RP funfest wasn't so intense la)
2) Went to OBS
3) Ran 16.8km
4) Tried rollerblading
5) Donated blood
6) Kayak 1 Star
7) Tried for MPS

When is the last time you have tried something new? We have been waiting because we are sure that we have plentiful of tomorrow's. What if we don't?

Donated blood for the first time today and I was really nervous. Shuqin and Sya can testify. HAHAHA! But I'm glad I was suitable.

Make Room For the Good Stuff

2011-10-28T14:33:00.003+08:00

Another very inspiring video, less is more :)

Lessons everywhere

2011-10-28T10:57:00.001+08:00

I am too selfish, too self-centred, too egoistic and too showy. The trigger came from a small talk w a friend and man, I realised that most conversation I made are often attempts to tell the person more about myself, my achievements and what I have done so far. I have never really talked to them because I really want to know them.

Another trigger was seeing the poster for students to join the YEP to Hue. The surge of memories came back like how water flow through floodgates, mercilessly and vigorously. The unwilling soul wither under the baggage of memories and I am very disoriented now.

I vividly remember the scenes where I was telling Mr L about what has happened in the hostel which could have sounded a lot more emotional than logical. I suddenly thought that, maybe he was already judging me. Was I doing that for the welfare of the group or was I just bitchy.

And then I come back to the point to find out about my ground values. I don't know what kind of values did I based on to choose I have said. Maybe I could have mull over it and realign my values before saying something. And I come to think that why am I so afraid of people judging me? Then I thought that maybe.. really maybe it is something that I have not done in the best way that I could hence the thought keeps lingering on.

I should move on, find my values and watch myself. I need to grow and I need to get out of the environment of talking behind people's back and finding pleasure from complaining. It's all negative influence.

wooooo. Feel so much better typing all these. Its okay if you don't understand but I'm grateful for you that you have read what's going through my mind for the past half an hour. Thank YOU!

30 days!

2011-10-26T14:17:00.000+08:00

Another inspirational video from TED!

My 30 days challenge: To floss my teeth and climb the stairs everyday!

When was the last time you tried something new?

2011-10-23T22:43:00.000+08:00

I am very bored and tired because of all the fretting over casting of nets! Sian. All my work undone but it was a fruitful weekend and that comes to my title today, when was the last time you tried something new? Something out of your comfort zone or something that you have always wanted to try but did not due to various circumstances?

Being the unadventurous person I am, I try to turn down most invites to activities that requires me to step out of my comfort zone. So if you don't know about me - activities like going kbox, climbing mount ophir or even eating something that led to my imagination gone wild - is out of the question.

Guess what I did today? HAHAHAHA! I went rollerblading!!!!!

HAHAHA. Ok, I actually can stand on the skates and can walk and blade a bit. Wah, but the falling down part damn pain. I always end up falling down on my butt though I was supposed to fall in front. Okay, maybe someday, I will pluck up my courage and try this again. HAHAHA but before that, lets just... yup enjoy life! :)

Sharing is Caring

2011-10-21T17:00:00.001+08:00

I know I have to share this! So inspirational in 2 minutes, especially love the examples about street and blocks. We give meaning to what see from the knowledge accumulated from young but have you ever wonder, the flip side can also be true?

Updates!!

2011-10-17T00:41:00.000+08:00

I was complaining to my dear Shark that my life has been too exciting. I shall update some of the photographs for viewing pleasure!! :D

Gary's Birthday!

We secretly bought a super small birthday cake for him. Hope he likes it! & we had yummy butter chicken + naan. No matter what happens or how much complains I have about how some of us, I still love Ideawerkz :D

Kusu Island!
It is a yearly thing that we go to Kusu Island and this year was as fun! Caught up with so many people that I haven't seen in so long.

Happy Pills
Yes! I looked forward to meeting them every month. :)

NDP 09 Gathering
It's really wonderful how fate works and the few of us still kept in contact. Love them la!

OMF Team!
Although many likes to say that we are not united and stuff, but this bunch is really one unique group of people that I have never regretted meeting. Laughed all night long!!

Primary School 姐妹s
HAHAHA. Butter ribs was yum! Love how we still meet up and listen to each other.

Sam off to Worldskills
Proud of this friend yo! And Ideawerkz people so supportive :D

Westlife Concert
The OMF people were there watching! & I was deployed at the sector. What a coincidence. HAHAHA!

YEP Girls - No rest Nights
Went to meet them after Kusu and man, these women always burn my brains. Love meeting up with them and talking about everything under the sun! Keep reflecting :)

YEPeeps!
Last but not least, the YEPeeps! 1.5 years and going strong. Thanks for the people who organised! Always love to meet them!! Sent off our 3 CMC girls, catching up with everyone and celebrating birthdays of the September babies!

Had an exciting September + October!! :D

Sigh.

2011-10-14T08:16:00.000+08:00

Life works mysteriously around us and I'm learning to get used to random bouts of energy level from people around me. Is it just me or people are getting moodswings on a more frequent and in high intensity basis? Or I'm behaving the way that I should receive these moodswings? Sian. Really sian.

I'm sianed to the max already lahhh. I need to resort to listening to the radio and communicating online to talk to the person beside me. Are we just lazy or we can't talk properly? Or we just can't stand each other so much? Sian. Vey sian.

This negative bout of energy has to disappear. Meeting my happy pills tonight! :D

好朋友只是朋友

2011-10-07T14:57:00.003+08:00

I hardly feel sane now.

I am ok. Sometimes, I am not ok but I will be ok.

可能，我们只能做好朋友。

Ask me, I will tell you everything, I need to pour out to someone who wants to listen.

Time

2011-10-03T00:06:00.002+08:00

Imagine the bank loans $86400 everyday. You can spend as much as you want or you can choose to keep them in the bank. There are no interest gain and your bank account resets everyday leaving you with $86400 every morning and $0 when the hour hand strikes 12 midnight. The bank that works fervently every day is none other than the time bank. Every day we have 86400 seconds. I always remember what my mentor always says, the second that I spend typing all that out can never be relived again so spend your time wisely.

With Internship occupying most of my time and energy, I'm almost left with none at the end of the day. Work has been making good progress however some of my relationships leave me in more doubt that I ever had. Is it true that one can never have the best of both worlds? I hope I'm not trying to make myself an excuse.

Life's been really good. I have been spending quality time with my parents, some time with my extended family although I normally sit there like a block and watch the television but hey, I kind of like their company, meeting up with some friends that I haven't seen in ages, working at Indoor and making more friends there, attending Uni talks and most importantly thinking of what I want to do in the future.

With the new universities like SUTD and the NUS-Yale partnership, it's very very tempting to veer off my initial choice of applying for NUS FASS. & the temptation of applying for REP is very very high too!

And hmm, I know I am not the most responsible person but I really hope that my friends can understand my way of dealing with time. I live life. I judge a lot and I sneer at how people manage their life occasionally. I am not perfect and I am most human. I want YOU to pat me or even slap me if you find me getting out of way.

Unhappy people

2011-10-01T00:42:00.000+08:00

I have been surrounded by too many unhappy people which makes me become one too.

24 hours of WPF

2011-09-26T20:39:00.002+08:00

Recently, I'm hooked on learning WPF (you can google it) and watching Grey's Anatomy. It's gonna sound really geeky but WPF is some programming application that's probably gonna help in my Internship. I have been spending most of my time trying out the examples from the books that I have borrowed from the library.

& I'm suffering from a major muscle ache as a result of an unintentional napfa test last friday.

I should be worried for my university application as well but I haven't really thought of what I should do. I want to study social sciences next time but then again, I'm not sure if I'm suitable.

Sian. Now I'm too tired to even write properly. I need to finish 1 hour of WPF tonight and write my 2 weekly journals. :/

Lessons for Emotions

2011-09-20T19:33:00.001+08:00

Today was a frustrating but productive day.

Sigh. I kinda dislike what I am doing now :/

NJRC 2011

2011-09-16T21:49:00.005+08:00

The awesome group of girls that I met :) Till date, it is one of the jobs that I have enjoyed the most. I feel like I'm living my dream every second when I was there. And I'm glad the other girls enjoyed it as well!

HAHAHA, This is how nonsense we were during lunch breaks.

nd Jing Yi! DPA mate that I got to know better though NJRC!

Pei Ying and Tin Ting. :)

Okay I'm lazy to describe the other photos but look at the photo above. Don't you think she looks like Nicole? HAHAHA

Tired

2011-09-15T08:40:00.002+08:00

I'm really tired but everyday I get fueled up by the people I meet. I get so tired that my defense walls are sky high and I become logical at everything then this little voice would tell me that this is not working and it sets me into another emotional turmoil about what I have been doing and what I should be doing.

There are so much work to complete but I haven't been trying to complete what's on hand. I have only been trying to catch up on sleep, make sure that I wake up for work and trying to be as benevolent as possible with my words to the people I meet everyday.

I just want to drop everything and run. But who and where can I run to?

I suck at being logical because I'm overly logical. Tsk. A tells me that B dislikes me being close to her boyfriend when they started out. Uhm, but aren't we all good friends and whats wrong with being close? The logical voice in me keeps telling me that when words passes from mouth to mouth, the way people say it and the facts may sound distorted to another. But then again, I think about why do I have to know about this from another friend when we are all good friends?

I'm kinda torn by what I heard then again the logical voice says that what has passed has passed. I don't have to be affected by it because I should not know about it in the first place. AND THEN AGAIN, I think that if I didn't know about it, I won't know that good friends talk behind one another's back too. Whats the point of meeting up and raveling about how much we haven't seen each other when we can't be honest with each other?

When 我在真心交朋友，I get the feeling that maybe, we are not really 真心的朋友. I hate myself for thinking too much. Nothing will be perfect.

For now, I just wanna rant.

2011-09-10T09:02:00.002+08:00

It has been very long since I last document my life but I am still thankful everyday.

大姑 passed away on Thursday and it was hardly an easy feat to maintain my composure on the bus when cousin told me about it. We went for the funeral yesterday and I could feel that everyone is trying so hard to mask their emotions for the passing of our loved one.

And again I recall about how I dislike the fact that people only come together when something happened. I rarely see the other cousins if not for Chinese New Year and we have never made the effort to even keep in contact but people like us only get to interact on these 'special' occasions. But the optimist in me keeps reminding me that this could be the very last thing our loved one could do for us, to bring the family together for as long as the funeral last. It is very sad to see that some of them came because of obligations, because she is our aunt but I rather you come because you really want to be there, to send her off her last journey.

Then I reprimand myself, did I even try my best to make her last journey the best that she can have? I guess it goes back to what Dy and I have been talking about, to try one's best or to do one's best. The connotation behind these words are similar, all are best but both definitely yields different results. I dare say I have tried my best, but I never did do my best.

When she was at the hospice, I was only there twice and those were results of sudden passion and love for her if you can remember, it was when I posted about how she loved us. As time passes, I fell back into the trap of Life, the seductive fun and interesting outings that I could have instead of visiting her, so I never visited anymore, in the name of my busy-ness which everyone could understand except for me. Maybe, I am not so determined like what people say about me.

Sigh, stop the guilt-induced negativity, woman. Nothing would change anymore except for the memories she has left us with and all the love.

When I prioritise, she is the reminder that Family should be on top of my list.

1/2 century tour!

2011-08-27T12:26:00.002+08:00

omg! I'm so thankful that I was part of the busy concert yesterday. It was one of the best I have ever seen. Jacky Cheung is so mesmerizing I swear. He exudes this charming charisma when he performs and my experience from yesterday was that he really is enjoying himself performing for everyone.

He doesn't look like 1/2 a century old either. OMG charming ttm! my new idol!

Nice way to end my poly exams with this concert. Initially thought I was overworking myself, to go to a concert after studying for so many days. But it was so fun and enjoyable! :D

thoughtful.

2011-08-22T23:50:00.003+08:00

sigh. backache uh!

& i hate how you bring a smile to me at the end of the day. because i keep in mind that we should only be friends, best of friends and best working buddies and nothing else.

why our friendship so turbulent one :(

Busy like a Bumblebee

2011-08-17T12:28:00.003+08:00

Have been pondering, thinking, studying, organising and attending outings recently. Been thinking about what life's all about. For a moment, I thought I may be a robot that's just doing things repetitively and for another moment, I wonder how does it feel to be in another person's body. And for this moment, I wonder am I who I am? Crazy thoughts, crazy thoughts.

Attended one of my best friend's mum's wake a few days ago and it triggered more thoughts and emotions in me. Wonder how are you doing, hope you are taking care of yourself and your family, friend!

I wonder what happens after someone passes away. Will they be looking after us in their own ways? And where do they go to? I think it will be easier to explain it with the various religion one believes in but... are they still around in some ways? Are they like angels? I hope they are :)

And I thought... what is life really about? Pursuing needs after needs, wants after wants, bringing up the next generation of humans and pass away when the physical body wears out? Or going after dreams which is essentially emotionally fulfilling, bringing some money home and still wait for the physical state of the human to crumble and fall apart?

There are so many things to life that I can't comprehend. Watched the national day rally and attended one of the public forums recently and I thought wow, there are people worrying about the daily bread and butter, there are people concerned about Singapore's standing, there are people that just choose to be sheltered in the negativity of everything.

Wow, life oh life.

For the things that I can't comprehend, I believe that there's a greater being that knows that it's time for me to understand more about life. And for the time that I take to know about life, I live life the way I think it should be. For now, I want to be there for my loved ones and go after my dreams because I have been enjoying doing that and I know the greater being that I believed in wants me to be happy in some way.

What's the mixture?

2011-08-05T23:31:00.003+08:00

It was supposed to be a dinner that I looked forward to but I have never had such a disappointing dinner before. It was just awkwardness, tiredness, disappointment and a lot of sadness in me.

It will definitely take some more courage and time from me for a next meetup.

I hate this helplessness.

Thankful (:

2011-08-04T20:37:00.002+08:00

Jiayou! Gonna be a few tough weeks ahead but I'm quite sure I can do it :)

2011-08-04T06:25:00.002+08:00

Just as I thought that the crunch time is over and I can slow down my pace and take a stroll in my second last semester, there seems to be never-ending presentations to finish. Omf presentation this Saturday and Examiner's Review on Monday.

I'm not so stressed up, but I think that's partly the problem. :/

Sigh, off to finish my omf presentation for consultation later. Long day today, hope I survive! :)

Really blessed

2011-08-02T23:36:00.001+08:00

Jia-Min and I got into Examiner's Review.

Yet another hurdle before the semester ends! But thankful for this hurdle :)

The Last Lap

2011-07-31T03:52:00.003+08:00

No failure, only feedback, feedback and more feedback.

The times in FYP room has become very very unbearable because of the other groups. As they screamed in success and their never-ending praise for each other's project, my project partner and I just get more and more depressed.

6 months of work, hard work probably, saw us through little results for presentation this coming Monday. I wonder how we would react to all the questions about our project. I don't even think we know how to answer them.

& yeah, I'm really not someone whom my friends can celebrate success with because I'm always more concerned about my own success. Is that true? Sigh. Where and how can I learn to be happy for others too. I am too competitive, not?

I'm still indignant about the fact that sup is always able to answer their questions, help with their project and circuits and basically just allow them to progress. And sup to us, is just bringing us round and round, trial-and-error-ing and just making us tabulating datas. When he say that we are slow, did he even know what we are going through? Manually tabulating every data is really not as easy as it seems.

On the other hand, the angelic me tells me that the sup is no hero, he can't solve every problem in the world and what more, FYP is suppose to widen our knowledge in this field and learn something out of it ourselves. I just can't help it, just can't help it. I'm always getting angry at how the sup says that he's happy for them because they produced results. OMG, he made it sound like we don't want to produce results. Who doesn't? Really.

And I'm getting angry at everyone else. I can't stand it when you say that it's very 不对 of others to show off their FYP when they are done. UM, who's the 不对one here? Who's the one who posted their video and circuit on facebook? WTS. Who's the one who keep screaming at us when they 成功. YOU just can't be a little more sensitive over here because we are not getting any results at all. Despite all the sun and the cold, we are still underachieving.

Breathe.

Life's just like that. Suck it up, move on and do our best for the presentation.

Time

2011-07-24T23:41:00.003+08:00

For everything that I will miss about you, it's worth it to get drown in work tonight. For the record, I've never thought I would be this logical.

Crunch Time :S

2011-07-20T19:39:00.002+08:00

Did my WISP presentation today and I'd say it was not fantastic but I kind of did my "best". I kept stealing breaks in the middle of doing up the presentation. Could have been better on the presentation aesthetic but sigh, we are done! :D

Thankful for wonderful groupmates, really.

A lot of datelines next week and I'm getting unfit-er by the day. Haven't swam in two weeks :( Guess I really need to put in my heart to get the stuff done! & next week is shit week.

Monday: Final Review for FYP (:S :S :S)

Tuesday: DELT Test (:O)

Wednesday: DTLE Test and dinner with Lady Caroline

Thursday: CE Assignment 2 Submission (!!!)

Jiayou!!!!!!!!!!!

Complain Kings and Queen

2011-07-13T16:46:00.002+08:00

I cannot stand how people criticize at every little thing they see on the website. When some other countries are crowned the best cities, they lament that Singapore will never be the best city because of blah blah blah.

OMG, be the change you want to see!

Sigh. What have Singapore become? Only to a place that we accept what is in store for us and complain about them.

California Challenge 之 2nd Biggest Challenge

2011-07-12T20:12:00.002+08:00

Like you know, the biggest challenge was the liberal arts part of the trip where we had to study about "Money, Business and American Culture". And this, is the second biggest challenge - the hike up to Nevada Falls.

It was a trip that I truly experienced climbing and falling at the same time. I fell 7 times on the way up and down but it was really memorable. Despite the leg cramps, weak knees and falling down, I had a lot of fun with the other people. I am.. not so fit after all. :P

Thinking back... it was not only a physical challenge, there were so much thoughts that were flashing in my mind during the whole journey which made the challenge harder but even more memorable.

To sum it all up, there will be people around to help me when I need help and I was deeply touched by the helping hands and helpful pulls. But these hands can't be there for me always. There are still some point of time that I need to depend on myself to continue. No matter how hard the journey is, I just need to trudged on, clenched my teeth and believe that I can do it. I believe then I see.

There will be times when I need help but no one is there because they are busy with their own challenge as well. & there will be times when circumstances does not allow another person to help me, so I will need to be able to do it myself. Help is additional, worth celebrating but not necessary, because I can do it.

I would love help but I can do without it too. :)

Bringing this experience back into my life, it feels really wonderful to be aided and I will do my best to bring this helping hand to other people who needs it, in any way as long as its morally correct and ethical for me to do so. And I really want to thank you for helping me and being part of my life. You know who you are :)

The YEP Family (:

2011-07-12T11:18:00.002+08:00

They are one group of people that I'm very very thankful for. Each meet-up was more than reminiscing about what we did in Philippines, we create more memories for each other and the relationship between us keeps progressing unlike most of the trips where conversations during meet-ups were only about what happened during the trip.

And thank you for the awesome birthday card and towel :D

Today was really epic. HAHA, I brought my penguin out for kite-flying but it only went up to the sky once! But the feel of it flying above me was fantastic, really beyond words of description. We only spend about 10-15 minutes flying the kite and the next 2 hours untangling the strings. HAHAHAHA. And both of the penguins 'died' during the 15 mins of flying. And one of the strings are still messed up when we went home.

The family that complains, cries, work hard, have fun together.. stays together ♥

2011-07-07T23:37:00.002+08:00

It has already been a week since we are back. The jet lagged feeling is more or less gone but more emotions came overflowing the troubled and weak hearts and some of us are at a loss of what to do now.

即将失去你的感觉，一点都不好受。

刚刚愈合的伤口又重新撒上盐巴，更痛，但是下一次的打击应该会更快愈合。

Why are the adults are trying to keep everything from us?

只知道大姑去了陈笃生医院，并不知道她已经住进了疗养院。

We will never be old enough in your hearts to know something important, but she is someone important to us. Then again, so what if they tell us? Who can withstand the emotion of saying it out loud and seeing another person feeling the same way as you? Everyone knows it deep down but no one is daring to admit that someone important in our life, has her life at stake, battling with an invincible giant. A giant that is slowly consuming all of us, emotionally and her physique.

And again, so what when we know? It's so easy to be consumed by ourselves and our own daily problems and activities. I have yet to visit her even once since she has been hospitalised sometime ago. The last time I saw her was Chinese New Year which is about 4 months ago. What did I even do to help? I can only be defeated by my own logic that I can help nothing but pray.

I even doubt if I should visit you. I ask myself mercilessly if it matters to me when you are no longer around. Heart to heart, face to face I asked myself and I know you will. You are someone who never fails to shower me with love since young. Your affection and laughter always make me feel at ease whenever I'm at a 'foreign place'. Your smiles never fail to bring about another smile on me and on us. Your advice, care and love for me still rings a bell in my heart. Every Chinese New Year, you never fail to whip up delicious meals for us and repeatedly asking us to eat.

As I sit down by the table, forgoing all the assignments on hand and confronting my emotions, I cannot be more sure that you are one of the great women I've ever met. You are one of the best 姑姑 I'll ever have. And I selfishly want you to be by my side, to be by our side.

Very often, we take people around us for granted and never ever realised their importance until they are in threat of being brought away. And I'm always guilty to be one of them. I vow to not be a fool anymore, I will listen more, care more and pray more. I pray that your pain will be lessen in days to come in any way.

Challenges!

2011-07-05T09:02:00.002+08:00

Wah sian, people only look at the glamorous part of the challenge which was the 'enjoyment' part when all of us are still suffering from jet lag and buried with tons of work!

Nevertheless, it was an awesome trip. A lot more self discovery and a very personal journey with a few of my fabulous friends. I'm glad that I know that a lot better through this trip :)

I'm done with my work for the morning! Waiting for Ms Lim to come to school for the experiment and collect data again. Then lessons and I'm gonna hide in the library :/

I'm back!

2011-07-02T10:13:00.002+08:00

It has been 18 extraordinary days. Everyday was full of surprises, challenges, fun, emotions and learning :) So much to share, feel free to ask me about it or I may take my own sweet time to update this space.

One of the most memorable trips I ever had but I still have to say that YEP to Dumaguete was more impactful.

Inspired, perspired, empowered.

So much to catch up with and so many relationships to keep up with. I feel empowered!!

2011-06-21T18:24:00.001+08:00

It's 10th day and I'm barely surviving on 2-3 hours of sleep everyday. We play like siao in the morning and chiong essay at night. :/

Lit classes are definitely harder to stay awake for!

It's been memorable so far.. :)

我会.. 加油的！

Bye Singapore (:

2011-06-11T01:32:00.002+08:00

Last minute packing again! And I have yet to finish my book but it was an awesome day with the family :D

In this 3 weeks, I look forward to forming new bonds and have a lot of fun with them. I look forward to making 'real' friends and I look forward to more self-discovery!

I believe that it's going to be one of the most exciting trips that I'm going to be on.. because of the liberal arts. And stay tune! :D

"Liberation" before another ordeal

2011-06-10T11:56:00.000+08:00

I'm procrastinating again.

A full list of things awaiting me to be completed today and emotions are starting to crowd my puny brain. Sian.

But life's good! After 5 torturous days of studying and cramming, common tests are finally over albeit not well done. Still brooding over CE, DELT and DTLE (acronyms, haha!). Still keeping my fingers crossed to do well enough.

I went out with Mom in the morning to buy some stuff for the challenge and had some awesome family time together, heh. The not-so-nice prata and tasty desserts made my morning. Gives me energy to run my long list of errands today.

I really need to get my butt out of this seat (HAHA, reminds me of Sheldon's favourite seat and that reminds me that I want to finish watching Big Bang Theory!) and start going to Queensway to buy stuff and collect my specs, go to uncle house to visit ahgong, meet cousin for movie and buy my luggage. See! I haven't even got my luggage when I'm flying tomorrow, tsk.

The "art" of procrastination.

Haha, and the euphoric people have been reminding me to keep a positive and open mind for the trip because I have been lamenting to them about the work and studies that we are doing there. I'm sure it's gonna be an awesome experience.

And I'm just got reminded that I need to adjourn my mentees. The feeling of not doing well keep nagging at me and I haven't felt so dissatisfied with myself since so long. Have I even done my best? Did they really benefit from me? Have I really did what I say I will do?

Nothing is by accident and I think I really need some time to process all the information from pvc.

2011-06-03T15:53:00.000+08:00

Sucks :( My safeassign percentage super high but I spent so much time on this assignment yet gonna get deducted marks. Learnt a lesson! :/ Will do well in the other tests/ common tests and assignments to get better marks!

The Tuaeji

2011-06-01T23:43:00.003+08:00

No idea since when we started talking again after our brief conversations during APEC. Your randomness and cuteness cures my boredom in class, during project and when I'm struggling with assignments. And your candidness never fails to make me smile.

I was trying to find a photo of us and I realised that there are only 3 of them on FB. What's the funniest? They are all so funny. Can't even spot myself at first at the third photo hahahaha!

Thanks, Meng Yao! You never fail to make my day :DDDD

Rest days :)

2011-05-26T11:56:00.002+08:00

HAHA, remember this group of no-rest-nights girls :) It's not easy to meet people that hit off well with you and it's even more difficult for me to find people whom I can confide in. But this group of girls proved every difficult task is possible!

Missed them!

After 2.5 years...

2011-05-24T08:38:00.002+08:00

After 2.5 years, I finally passed my BM! Some hiccups here and there and a lot of things that I did not do well in but I'm glad I passed before I graduate.

And I met my goal :) Remember 3 months ago, this is my goal for PVC :D

My girls have been showing interest but just not working so well. I'm hopeful that we will complete what we need to do!

Dinner with loved ones! :)

2011-05-18T09:27:00.002+08:00

Life has been hectic but I'm very thankful for understanding friends! Dinner place was changed to HK cafe yesterday because of me and these girls are awesome! They are always so accommodating. Promise to go freshness burger to catch up soon!

I can't believe I knew these girls for more than 10 years and still counting! We seen each other grown up, mature and had countless childish times together :D

Life is great!

Long List of Work!

2011-05-15T01:58:00.002+08:00

Omg, assignments are piling up and I'm not getting down to do any of them. Must finish WISP essay soon! GAH.

Hopefully I'll have the time to swim, build a big of straw city and finish my essay tomorrow. For now, I yearn for a good night's rest (and escape) from the clutches of the evil essay. :P

2011-05-10T23:13:00.002+08:00

Sigh. Maybe our friendship ain't that strong either. Why do I type something, backspaced, re-read just to make sure that I don't type something weird. Maybe we haven't met for a long time. Or maybe I'm just insecure :/

2011-05-08T13:07:00.002+08:00

I should be doing my work but the heat in Singapore is fervently preventing me from making productive progress in my tutorials and reports.

I'm frustrated and irritated at youths trying to comment on the general election. On a brighter note, our youths are not apathetic. We are concerned about our future and our government. How do you judge a MP or minister based on just their elections video? Why do we want to judge someone based on his/ her past? And why do we claim to want the best of our country when we are not doing best at our own level?

We all play our part for a better Singapore. So if you are not even playing your part well as a student, as a child and as a friend, how do we have a better society in Singapore?

I'm no better though.

Sigh, why are we all so childish? Is it our education?

OMF Outing!

2011-05-08T10:15:00.002+08:00

So here's a little sneak peek to people I'm going to live with for 3 weeks next month :)

I'm going to believe to see. I believe that we will be rewarded with amazing friendships after our trip despite our differences and some quirkiness. & I believe that this is going to be one of the most unforgettable trip. *sounds like im psycho-ing myself*

Secretly happy that a lot of advocates are going on this trip!

(Cheers to A, KahH, S, N, JiaM and PehY!)

Me?

2011-05-05T01:34:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I missed me. The girl who was courageous (and ahem, outrageous), righteous and stands up for anything and everything that she deem is right.

A moment ago, I was thinking, did I lost the original me? But who is really original? We are all photocopies of one another. When we prefer some habits or behaviour, we copy them and use it as our own. We are all made up of our past experiences so I think it's not right to say that I have lost the me in me. But sigh, I'm feeling so politically correct nowadays.

I know that whatever I say is an impact, be it positive or negative. So I'm more careful when I speak. I think THRICE now :/ But in some parts of me, I feel that it's ridiculous to be careful with people that you thrust. I love to be spontaneous but I'm always afraid to hurt people that I've interacted in that manner. I always resort to telling myself that they are my besties so they won't mind. But do they really not mind? I don't know. :O

On a happier note, I know that I'm achieving my balance, the balance that I prefer. I was very reactive (last year's CCA Fiesta and FOC) and I became very responsive (during BFT and all the events in between) and I'm a bit of both now which I'm rather happy with.

I really wanna thank all the people who stayed through with me despite all the shit and how shit I am. But when I thank them, I think about whether if they find me weird or what :/

Walao, why must think so much to do something?

I just wanna be 19. How many times can you live as a 19 year old? Only once. But I'm glad I'm rather aware now rather than having to only realised all my mistakes at an older age. Okay I'm talking to myself already. BYE.

The Adocates (:

2011-05-03T23:07:00.002+08:00

Ideawerkz! It's a place that I don't mind staying overnight at, completing the work, rushing to meet datelines and doing school work.

Grateful for the mentors and the awesome working partners that I have met along the way :) Alvin dared me to dream, mentor encourages me to plan, Mel reminds me to keep my D down and everyone else bring me fun and joy :D

I can choose to be committed because Ideawerkz show me I can!

& you, thank you for holding on to me until now. When I wasn't able to commit, when I lost hope in us and when I thought everything was crashing down but you were there. I'm prepared to lose you to Him but I'm hoping for a little bit more time. :)

Oh! And I have awesome "juniors" in Lifeguards! HAHA, Yangyu came to run this morning and we were all super touched because he was our first runner! Yay. :D

Lifeguard FOC :)

2011-05-02T21:03:00.002+08:00

The camp that has enforced my belief on "I believe then I see".

Lifeguard is a place I learned the most.

They gave me confidence and I became complacent with what I have. I thought I deserved whatever I have and that was something special about myself. I speak without thinking and I do anything I like, trying to make the best of my time.

Thankfully I had them. If not I wouldn't have been more aware of myself and my surroundings.

I never wanted to return to the CCA and the swimming pool after the series of unhappiness and displeasure. But the amazing friendship that I have forged in the club (especially Hui Yin) brought me back and I swear it took me hell loads of courage to go back to AGM, trainings and then to FOC again.

It was a place that I fell and learned to stand up again and a club that brought out the best in me. I wouldn't have been more grounded if not for lifeguard and I'm treasuring this club more and more :)

Tired!

2011-04-29T00:33:00.002+08:00

Aw man, tired of being so aware of self and others.

Grateful for the Euphoric buddies, they make my day, like always.

And Jia-Min and I were discussing about marriage today. HAHA, so funny right. We were looking at the news of the divorce of celebrities and we both agreed that finding the right one's not easy. :/

Grateful for you though :) I have no idea if we will stay this way but life's been much better with you around.

I believe then I see

2011-04-23T22:31:00.002+08:00

Midpoint check is very very awesome! Simple games and big objectives.

Am I too protective over my kids such that they are not able to perform to their fullest potential?

Looking at the bigger picture, I think it's the best choice for us at this moment.

WHY AM I SO LOGICAL. FML.

2011-04-19T00:50:00.002+08:00

first day of school was like any other VPP days. Omgosh, VPP is now over and we need to chiong for BPD already. I can't believe that time is THIS short.

We will do well :) Jiayou jiayou!

Anyway, first time in my life, I got 3:12 for BM! So 感动! Thank you everyoneeeeee :) More to improve! 2:50!

2011-04-17T00:05:00.002+08:00

I'm super retarded.

I came online specially to blog about my happiness! HAHAHA. Dinner gathering with primary school friend was WEIRD but enjoyable. And all of us have grown to become young fine adults!

One of my primary school friend super gentleman (Y) He keep offering to walk me home.

2011-04-15T00:58:00.003+08:00

I can't believe that I'm staying up to finish the Interim report. Ah no, I'm staying up to start doing the Interim report.

4 days down, 8 more to go! :)

I need to clear my head. Now I don't know what I want from my mentees. If this is a roller coaster ride, I'm probably on my way down. Am I rushing too much into things?

Looking past limits

2011-04-13T14:38:00.000+08:00

Apathy or intentional exclusion?

2011-04-13T14:12:00.000+08:00

2011-04-12T22:55:00.000+08:00

buck up kheng!

where's your sense of urgency?

Safe trip!

2011-04-11T05:46:00.002+08:00

Now I feel the feeling that my parents had when I went overseas a couple of times! :X

Hope they enjoy themselves over there in 金门 and 厦门, be back safely :)

A few goals I wanna declare this week HAHAHA.

1. I want to keep the house clean. It's super messy now even before they left so I'm not sure if it will be messier without them :X

2. I want to live under $180 these 2 weeks.

3. I want to be independent, learn to live life :) Cook, ration, pray, go to school, swim and have fun!

And... look forward to them coming back! :)

Great weekends!

2011-04-10T22:59:00.001+08:00

Fulfilling weekends.

Conflicts, confrontational and involves disagreement. Who will have the courage to do something to a conflict.

Thankful for conflicts and the courageous people :)

Good life :)

2011-04-09T23:08:00.002+08:00

Life cannot get better!

Was sick at the start of the week but I guess fyp has been progressing. Little baby steps towards something bigger and meaningful. Gotta work a bit tonight :) Hopefully I survived man! I have been too cui to stay up late, evidence from movie marathon with yep family and the meeting last night.

Lunch with weiping on Wednesday and with simin & huiyin on Thursday. good catch-up ya! Love these little sessions and oh I ponned project on Friday. Should start testing on Monday already if not my performance a bit disappointing ah :X Jiayou jiayou!

And PVC. Be myself :)

Having little hiccups with my team. My little team is getting smaller and smaller. :( Driving them towards being more aware of self and others. They are less driven but they are really committed. Love them because of their willingness to work with what they have :)

And loves my mentor team definitely! The support that I've been receiving from this team is really awesome and significant.

Jiayou jiayou :) Believe and you will see.

Gonna be a tough week ahead with review on Thursday but bonding camp on Friday and Saturday! Awesome or whatttttttttt :)

Principles Vs Values

2011-04-07T10:27:00.001+08:00

Principles are not values. A gang of thieves can share values, but they are in violation of the fundamental principles we’re talking about. Principles are the territory. Values are maps. When we value correct principles, we have truth – a knowledge of things as they are.

Lesson x + 1

2011-04-07T09:05:00.002+08:00

feedback.

be kind with your words.

be humble with yourself.

pause, choose, act.

these qualities don't last like baths. They don't last too thats why you have to do it everyday. Everyday reminders :)

Thank you Mr Leung, I really need that. And I will let you know one day that the trip you made down to BME centre is worth it today. Think thrice with your words :)

Be in the moment

2011-04-06T21:58:00.003+08:00

Memorable seriously :) It has been 2 years since the FOC and these people are still playing a part in my life. Spot Jia-Min and pig!

And something is not working in FYP. I have been procrastinating for the past 3 days and the more I procrastinate, the more stress I feel. Tsk, vicious cycle! The only consolation is that, I'm nursing my cold. :P

I need to do something different!

I think I can only do "manual" labour at my FYP table and do the reading up everywhere else except for the table. Thats the plan for the next 2 days! Shall do flowchart and check with Mr Chua if it's correct tomorrow morning before lunch. And prepare for progress review and Interim report tomorrow afternoon. Shall read at night. Focus focus!

im so cute :D

2011-04-03T21:24:00.002+08:00

Looking at the election makes me feel kinda upset.

饮水思源。

现在的生活不妥善吗?

如果每个人团结一心，把时间花在建设一个更美好的国家不是更好吗？为什么要把时间花在无谓的论坛。

Sigh.

love Saturdays :)

2011-04-02T22:45:00.002+08:00

Today's super amazing!

Swam (a bit) and slacked (a lot) with the lifeguadies. We swam, slacked, lunched, yami-yogurted and swam again. I had some fun catching up with Shi Yun and the rest and the pool is so shiok (Y) Thank you Hui Yin for hosting us! :)

Went to uncle's house and realised that I could have gone to visit ahma today. It's been a year. 去年的今天，情景历历在目，有人还是选择不接受，但是我为阿嬷感到很高兴。Had fun playing with the little cousins and ahma, 我会好好照顾他们的。The kids are so cute. They no longer bawl their eyes out for things they don't get, instead they need to 冷静一下. HAHA mature ttm!

And catching up with Wei Chun now.

Life cannot be better than this!

fruitful day (:

2011-04-02T00:44:00.003+08:00

Put up the reference nodes and found out that the accuracy is extremely bad D: Need to retry in open areas and do more testing soon in the 2 weeks so that I can hand in something for progress review.

Maybe need to conduct a few experiments (different environment, different height of reference nodes, different program) and I think I should try one location everyday but use the different methods so that they all will work well.

So I should start working on the Kalman's filter and the method of putting up the reference nodes already. Some targeted places would be like Kismis field, running track, Ideawerkz, canteen etc. Now the biggest problem is that humans are the greatest interference then if we were to put the tag on humans ah.. :( liao.

Concentrate for 2 weeks! And I shall achieve good progress for my dear project partner :)

Still thinking how to take readings and do at the same time sia :/ jiayou jiayou!

Clearer

2011-03-31T22:42:00.002+08:00

Every meetup with the Euphorias get me clearer to my goal and who I am.

Kheng is someone has relatively a lot of layers. The first layer to people she don't know is friendly, crazy, fun and plain mean. The second layer is the demure and quiet layer. After knowing her, you will realise that she actually prefer to be quiet to talking most of the time. She feels comfortable listening to stories and adding in her point of view whenever necessary. The third layer is the excited her. She gets excited about everything sometimes forgetting to care about what her best friends are feeling. But this is just her. She shows her emotions instantly and is always supported by her awesome besties. :)

And stop running away. Let people know you because they deserve to know you. They have been with you chasing for your goals. And you know that they can be trusted. Let them peel another layer deeper.

And I haven't been managing well :( My time management kinda sucks and I should seriously work on it. I haven't been recognising my commitment and paying enough attention to every of them. Been splitting to much of my attention.

I need to focus! BM and PVC3!

Project was good today :) Thankfully Kenneth was here today and he was really a great help. I need to start reading and understanding already seriously. His favourite sentence "lets not waste anytime".

:D I should adopt it!

VPP :) :( :/

2011-03-30T17:05:00.003+08:00

3rd week into FYP and we have been making little progress. But the goal has definitely become clearer and clearer after each consultation which I want to emphasize on the fact that must learn how to read papers and ASK. My supervisor super experienced (Y) He doesn't even have to read the paper to clarify my doubts.

Looking at the partner group stepping into their storming stage, I wonder when will my group's storming stage come. Or are we are performing already? At this rate, we will never storm because we know each other too well to storm. Oh well. How?

Gonna find out a bit more tonight and fill up my logbook. Most probably about network technology and the zigbee network. Jiayou :)

Childhood fun!

2011-03-28T14:29:00.002+08:00

Ate snacks and watched videos where we only do it when we were young.

As we stepped into unknowing boundaries, I'm still unsure if we can survive this. I can only pray that one of us will start to talk about it one day...

Dhanabalan

2011-03-24T21:28:00.003+08:00

Photographs in no particularly order.

The V-Shape tower that we had to climb. Learnt about the crux of rock climbers and perseverance.

Sham captured by us after the trust fall :) Imagine on Sunday we had participants struggling with their choices for the trust fall and I had to do it on Monday -.- and no choice at all tsk. Hehehe, awesome experience!

The watch that I was in :)

Project mates :D

HAHA, the funny ice-breaking game

Amazing and fantastic experience with the awesome watch - Dhanabalan. What a mouthful right! HAHAHA. My first time climbing up high elements and kayaking for 9 hours. Tiring but definitely worth it!

Start of the Amazing Journey

2011-03-20T22:10:00.003+08:00

Today marks the start of the journey of my team. No matter what happens, I'm committed to let them grow and do something different out of this journey.

& I just wanna tell all the mentors out there, no matter how difficult your team is right now, we made a choice to want to mentor so I will walk them through no matter what.

The objective of the game is to win. And to win is to get as many points as possible - win win situation. :)

Mirror

2011-03-19T23:06:00.002+08:00

I saw my reflection on one of my mentee today :/

I used to be so eloquent, maybe no longer or maybe still a little, and sometimes I wonder what got into me. And now I'm aware that because I used to use being eloquent as a technique to avoid and because I fear so I avoid.

I want to affirm myself for being a lot more courageous since last time :)

But I have a lot more to improve on. My participants weren't really into the training. All they look forward is the end of the training and I don't think they really know whats going on. But I guess like buddy says, you cannot expect change over a few hours. It has to get into them slowly.

What I want to create for them is to find value in tomorrow's training. Something that will touch them and a lesson that they can keep for life like how the perseverance activity at Bintan worked for me.

And how I know they found value would be willing debriefs within us and complete openness about their feelings. What I want to do something different would be to not go along with their flow because I think they mistook my intention of being friendly (i was trying to create conversation) as uninterested in the training. So some of them became uninterested too. I also want to ask more questions and dig further. Ask more why questions like why is this goal important to you so that when a goal really mean something to them, they remember why they really want it in the first place. I want them to feel wanted.

For them to be open, I need to be open also.

I will try my best :)

But thank you khengleng, for keeping building relationship in mind :)

killed -.-

2011-03-17T10:42:00.002+08:00

I have never felt so blessed to work in a team of motivated workers with pleasant personality.

And I really appreciate how my project partner handle situations but I don't know if it really works. She's calm and composed and she's rather chilled. I imagined myself at her position and I can see myself flaring up at everyone that she talks to.

People over at my place slacks discretely but it's totally opposite here.

There are so many people working so hard for this camp, sacrificing their sleep and losing their voice and you can bear to watch shows, sleep, play random games and just complain?

I have no rights to say anything but I appreciate that we all do something helpful to help.

Residing in my new home (:

2011-03-16T08:22:00.003+08:00

Yes, as the title suggests, I have just moved into my new place in BME centre. Its like a working desk so cool right. HEHEHE.

So yesterday, we 大扫除 and you can imagine the thickness of the dust! Felt so much better without the dust. We welcome a new project group (Zichuan and Wangan) yesterday from H class. Yay. Less out of place in class. You really cannot imagine how weird and uncomfortable it is to go into class and not seeing the usual familiar and happy faces :(

I miss them!

But yay, more people to eat lunch and bitch with :X

I moved half of my house here today. No la, I brought a photo and my mug. To make my table more homely and hopefully more conducive. I should take a photo of my new work place soon!

f + c = v

2011-03-12T01:06:00.003+08:00

Something that I thought was pretty cool. And I really love the idea. Every function in different context will result in a different value of the function. Have fun and enjoy!

Be patient with the video.. the concept comes in only at the later part.

And.. I really love what he advocates for. Today, on fb, I saw a friend's status that goes "I am just not good enough". I didn't know the whole situation was so real until I saw that and the first thought that came to my mind was, why will people think that way?

If we are not good enough for ourselves, who can be a better "us" who will be good enough? I don't know if I make sense. How do we instill a sense of self worth in youths today? My vision for 2030 :)

Conditions of Survival

2011-03-11T00:27:00.002+08:00

I have got a bit to share and these are what lingered on with me for the day.

More better different
I need more. I need to be better. I need to be different

Open the newspaper today, tomorrow or even the day after tomorrow, advertisements, news and generally current affairs operates on the belief system of "more better different". I saw the advertisement on BMW the newest series and it asks you to be different. Ah ha! When's the last time that you showed gratitude towards what you have?

I really opened the newspapers today and every page operates on the same belief system.

Does phrases like "I need more perseverance", "I need to be better" and "With this and that, I stand out from the rest" always appear in your life?

So what if I need more perseverance? So that I can persevere in times of difficulty. Why do I need to persevere in times of difficulty? So why do I want to emerge out of difficulty? To be a better person? AND THE CYCLE GOES ON. How does the cycle ends ah?

Be grateful for what you have today :) Be thankful for yourself and everyone around you! But the irony comes in when I ask myself, how does things improve if I'm always contented with what I have?

After pondering, I guess put the function of perseverance (for example) in a different context. But.. I still don't know how. Write to me if you know? HAHAHA I'm contactable at khengleng.tok@gmail.com (I'm seriously serious about this!)

Positionality
There is a right and wrong. I will seek what is right. I will avoid what is wrong.

When you are sad, your friends ask you to cheer up. Is it a familiar situation? My friends care about me hence he/she doesn't want me to feel sad. But doesn't sadness show who you really are? And sadness show you what you treasure when you lost. There are not right and wrong in emotions because after all... they are just experiences!

People jump out quickly from sadness to think that they don't want to make themselves "emotional" however in actual fact, it's kind of avoiding. Avoiding the real problem and avoiding "breakdown" (in TAM version, we call it the learning zone - comfort zone theory). It's dangerous because I learn less from what I could have learnt about myself. I choose to not learn about what is important to me and I choose to not acknowledge what I have lost.

Dear friends, there are no right and wrong in experiencing emotions (different from being emotional). They are just learning journeys hor :D

Inevitability
Things won’t really change. I am only one and cannot make a difference.

I will elaborate on this when I'm truly convinced, myself :P

Scarcity
There is not enough to share.

Buffet are conditions of abundance but people operate like its scarcity. We choose to accumulate and "save for rainy days" but have we ever asked ourselves, what is enough? And I think I just got the answer to the question above that I have asked. HAHAHA. -smacks self-

Perseverance, courage, joy etc are resources and they are abundances of life. However, we often operate on the basis of "NOT ENOUGH". We ask for more and we worked for more and this goes back to more better different (kinda interlinked huh!). In actual fact, we do not have enough resources because we choose not to have enough.

When we fear, we operate on the basis of "I need more courage" to overcome this. But are you aware of that fear comes from courage? Without courage, we wouldn't fear. We fear because we are scared that something won't turn out as good as expected. Expectations come from courage isn't it? We all have the courage to expect, dream and do everything. So courage is kinda the pre-condition to fear. So it's not that you do not have enough courage! It's abundant in you! Find them :)

Seperation
I am not you. And you are not me. I am not Africa. I am not the Earth.

I can slap you because you are not me. Humans often operate on separation thinking that someone else deserve lesser or can be judged because they are not ME. You wouldn't like to be judged, do you?

Too good to be true.. no one has their own thoughts. We are all a constitution of someone else. Isn't it? We listen, we got inspired and we liked that idea. So we incorporate a principle or an action/ behaviour/ habit into ourselves. Seeing and meeting so many people in our lives make us absorb some from everyone that make us ourselves? Indeed, we are unique, but not because we are entirely different, we are of the same in some sense but different altogether.

On the basis of separation, we think that we have our own thoughts and we lived for our own. It's very individualistic and here I am, not saying that it's not good but which will serve us more? Being part of a community or separating ourselves from one another?

And a question popped up! "Where does the first thought come from?" And I guess, different people have different answers to this :)

An alternative to the 5 ideas above would be: Gratitude, openness to wisdom, ownership, community and abundances.

How do you want to lead your life?
YOUR CHOICE :)

:)

2011-03-10T10:41:00.002+08:00

more perspective and a lot of information from the last 3 days and what lingered on for me (FINALLY something stayed -.-) was the issue about social and emotional capital and the issue on relationship.

gained insight and it was valuable for me :)

not that I can let the feeling of resentment go away but I saw things at your point of view. I still resent the fact that we all promised everything will stay the same. But in fact, nothing is the same anymore. We are no longer part of each other's life anymore. We are living our own lives. I still resent the fact that the 4 of us.. can never go back to the same place again.

Things are changing and forever will change.

However, I feel blissful that our paths have crossed and we shared memories of joy and craziness together. We have so much more to learn about our friendships and I know that you will be there for me when I need support and help.

Just that we all have our priorities now.

2011-03-08T00:44:00.002+08:00

the current affairs workshop is challenging. :x

& i don't seem to be able to see the link between the issues we were talking about and current affairs. but i saw the point that everyone has their own world view because we spoke about it a couple of times at pvc.

i like the analogy of us being a dwarf in a giant. really interesting, ask me about it! i've never thought about us being that way and the whole LT went into a dip in emotions. really obvious and detectable.

gotta catch more stuff tomorrow! so... sleep early tonight :)

cannot get anyone to do the Michael Buble's concert for me :( argh!

2011-03-06T11:27:00.002+08:00

新加坡有那么多需要帮助的人，许多年轻的国人还是选择到外国去投入义工的行列，说要为它们效劳，帮助他们。如果离自己最近的人都帮不上，凭什么去帮助其他人？

CONFLICT.

2011-03-05T02:23:00.002+08:00

我想念我们以前的日子，单纯的友谊和聊不完的话题。

现在，还有可能吗？

我们无时无刻的提防着对方，害怕自己过了界限，害怕会让自己心爱的人不高兴。

不管我对这份友谊有多少信心，这份信心根本不能延续下去。

你们说你们的感情不会影响我们的友谊，在我们的谈话中，我已经感觉到我们的友情束缚着很多包袱。你不是很会处理事情的吗？还是这份友情已经对你不重要了？

I really want to have faith. But how do I have faith when all I get is no replies when I really needed someone? And all you have for me is that you do that for a reason. Was that excuses? Or you just genuinely forgot to reply.

I'm sick and tired of your "everything happens for a reason".

Gah, I think I have accumulated too much negative emotions for this friendship. We have been nothing about it except for sweeping everything under the carpet. Oh, I forget. You didn't even have time to sweep them. I don't think you even know there's something wrong.

I judged. And I think all you care is your girl.

I care about her too.

Gah, I hate myself for being like this. I think we can go on for 10 months without contacting each other.

Amazing days

2011-03-05T02:15:00.002+08:00

Life after exams has been great! Fabulous days :)

Wednesday = library w mom + lunch w aunties + swim + movie and dinner with papa and mom

Thursday = BME outreach + dinner with mom

Friday = slack at home + settle OBS + celebrate Alvin's belated

We went to eat 煮炒 together which was so 温馨. I mean like you don't really eat 煮炒 together because it's saliva galore ttm. HAHA, but so family-like. Awesome night with Advocates, Hui Yin and Sean.

What's next?

FYP and Internship.

This 5 weeks gonna be very tough but I'm gonna survive and emerged better and stronger. Maybe even better at Electronics. I don't know if one day I would regret not intern-ing at a research company but I know that our project is purposeful and we will be of help to the research of devices to improve lives of dementia patients. Jiayou Jia-Min and I! HAHAHA :)

We can do this!

2011-02-27T20:33:00.001+08:00

I'm seriously hoping to do well for ESA and MI after screwing up FCAL and EPDPr.

I WANNA GET 4 THIS SEM.

JIAYOU LEH! :D

2011-02-26T23:06:00.002+08:00

I'm so thrilled by my team.

To summarise, I trust-falled today. FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE.

When did you last receive support from someone?

Have you thank them for it?

Do they know that they are supporting you?

Were you there for them like how they have been there for you?

Today was a lot of emotions and I'm glad my buddy and I survived along with our team. We were supposed to split up into 3 groups to do the trust fall activity then I realised all 5 of us were in the same team. I really like this team!

And to end it off..

Have you ever felt that you are not good enough for something?

Do you think you are good for it actually?

If you have never tried, how you know if you are good at it?

Stop shortchanging yourself and the people around you.

You, them and I only deserves the best and nothing less. ;)

2011-02-21T00:15:00.002+08:00

it's been an unproductive day but I can't help to stop for another moment just to write out what I have been overwhelmed with.

Examinations are around the corner but surprisingly, my life has been full of mentoring, pvc3 and the new buddies I have made. I can't believe that my choice has led to something so awesome.

I was talking to my buddy on the phone and she was sharing with me some of her experiences. In summary, I caught the idea that I should stop waiting for something to happen. It may be tired chasing my dreams and goals but it's gonna be worthwhile. I should stop wasting my time already. Secondly, being a teacher that is willing to see the best in her students is so important and I'm so proud of my buddy. I can't believe that she was a notorious student in the past and I'm glad she's doing super well now as a teaching intern. I'm glad she wrote to her 2 students and their attitude became a lot better. Should stop labeling people around us because they will really live up to their label, be it a good or bad one.

Aww.

The Euphoria have been really good. Team training was really crazy yesterday laughing with them and talking to them. Learnt a lot together, about perseverance (like Bintan camp, but different activity) and the person that we want to talk to.

Set a little challenge everyday, so you won't be waiting for the rest of your life.

My challenge tomorrow? To talk to mummy and let her know that I appreciate her a lot :)

CNY w/ YEP mates!

2011-02-13T19:43:00.003+08:00

Don't you think we are so awesome :) It has been almost a year since we first met and we are still holding onto this friendship. So valuable and precious :)

Almost a year and our attendance at birthday celebrations and outings are still good. omg, where to find a team like that? I'm grateful for them! People whom we can talk to, laugh with and do all the awesome stuff together.

We should go kite-flying soon! :D

Mentor and Mentoring

2011-02-13T00:03:00.002+08:00

It will be a beginning of the mega long journey and I know we will all pull through this and become stronger in the end with our widened "world view".

The trainings rang a bell and they definitely made a lot of sense after the numerous sessions of the same subject matter like pause.choose.act etc. I love how Lye conducts his training, so real, so much connection and so much sincerity.

Hoho and I kind of like my group. I really hope we will grow close to each other and be there for each other for many more years to come.

Yay. I'm comfortable and yet not feel so comfortable. I like my buddy. Both of us have very low 笑点 so we were having so much fun even though we only met today. But I'm quite worried how both of us can benefit from this experience together. Do we need to be serious in our conversations to help each other better? Will it work for us? Nah, I think we will work this out during our first phone call :D

HAHA, I think it's so funny that we are calling Gerauld on Valentine's Day.